My Camera & My Chai: Dem Damned Animals!

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So, here we go again. Before I start, I am attaching a little image of some geese like creatures swimming in formation. I took this picture some time back. Are they geese? Someone has to be kind enough to educate me.

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All you management gurus out there will immediately say, “Ah, look at den little birdies. Swimming in formation, ey? What can we learn from them about teamwork, shared resources, collective vision etc etc etc… bonk, bonk, bonk….”

Then, all the good, little managers, sweating in their suits, with ties that are slowing choking the air out of their wind-pipes, will look at the management guru, and sagely nod their heads like good little children, and say, ‘Aye’.

Now, they have to say this, because their boss (who, by the way, is secretly thinking of the evening’s dinner with his secret girlfriend) is looking at them with killer eyes. He is also thinking that these little managers better just say, ‘aye’, so that he can escape. They are thinking that they better say, ‘aye’, else they will be committing a CLM, and will not get their annual bonus.

A CLM is a Career Limiting Move.

Finally, the management guru has done his bit, and everyone escapes. This is when the fun begins, and they all want to get home.

The problem is, that the previous day, the same management guru has told them about how they must compete, and must get ahead of the others, if they are to stay ahead of the competition.

Hmm.

The scene now shifts to the streets.

All pictures in the post from now on have been taken from theย internet. Issued in the interest of the public.

Och! No one told them that people across the city have been having the same dream, and that they would find themselves in a sea!

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But, they remember that they have all played, “Big Fish, Small Fish” type of games, and read “Animal Farm”, and their hearts swell with pride. Never mind that the theme of ‘Animal Farm’ is something else entirely. Wot difference, ey?

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Now, they must compete to get ahead. Why? The management guru said so. So did their boss. So, they now revert to Animal Behaviour.

Remember the geese like birds at the top? Nah! Stupid birds!

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Everyone starts to shove, push and move ahead.

The air is rent with earthy accents, which can be loosely translated thus:

“Gerroff my path, you chap”

“My path? Mine, not yours, you pig!”

“Groink, Oink, Boink, Doink”

No, not Doink… If memory serves, Doink The Clown was a wrestler in the WWE.

Rewind

“Groink, Oink, Boink….”!

Now you see where Animal Farm comes in?

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Meanwhile, George is rotating rapidly in his grave.

George? Orwell, ass!

Oh… we are Indians! We have asses and cows.

The conversation takes on many hues and colours.

“Groink, boink, oink….”

“Moo, moo, moooooah”

“Eeyaaawh! Eeeyore!” No wait… Wasn’t Eeyore the character from the Poo stories? Poo? No… No Poo.. Shit…. Crap… We are decent folk here!

“Eeeeyaaaawh!”

Basically, the man in the tie tells the rickshaw-wallah that he is in the way, who tells the cyclist that he is in the way, who tells the autorickshaw-wallah that he is in the way, who tells the motorcycle rider that he is in the way; who, in turn tells the pedestrian that he is in the way…..

Oink, boink, groink!

Suddenly, shades of 1984 rise, and a collective “Eeeeeek” rises from the many throats on the road.

Big Brother has risen. He has appeared.

Big Brother is – a truck, a bus…….

Those damn geese like birds who have taught the management guru so much that he can now charge the company so much money from the company for his pleasure of watching geese like birds with a beer in his hand now just serenely swim by.

The management Guru is a GyaanDu… Which, as per today’s information, is an asshole who gives too much fake wisdom…Sigh!

Damn Dem Birds!

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58 Comments

  1. Yes, they are geese! But around here (New Jersey) we usually see Canadian geese. Most people dislike them intensely (the Canandian geese, not the white ones) …because of the mess they make and because they take their time crossing the roads (like animals in India)

  2. Geese and swan are from the same family. Swans are larger with a longer neck. I think what you have here are snow geese.
    Compared to the traffic jam in the other photos I think the snow geese have it right. There are only six of them on the water and they are probably moving at a reasonable speed for geese. I wrote a song about that very topic called “Getting Nowhere Fast”. After our trip to India I realized that transportation is a major issue for all countries. Not only does our present means of transport pollute the air it can be terribly inefficient. Solve that problem and we will make a big dint in the climate change problem.
    Leslie

      1. My car has a few bumps… Sometimes I think of having them repaired. At others, I say, what the hell? And, my car sadly wears them like a badge of honour

      1. That is also the question!!๐Ÿ˜„ Everyone thinks I’m from Mumbai…..I’ve been told that’s coz I got Mumblezz behind my name…..but it actually stands for Mumbles๐Ÿ˜€…..maybe one day when I get more established I’ll write more about my city ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜ƒ

      2. You are well established ! Write.. Okay, I am going to make another guess….. Ahmedabad! Assuming you live in India, of course!

      3. Since most can’t figure out from where I belong, its fun that way!! ๐Ÿ˜‰ I can be anyone anywhere ๐Ÿ˜€ Yeah definitely from India!! Besides one day surely I’ll write more about it….. ๐Ÿ™‚

  3. Great read. I loved this. I don’t think George Orwell would be rotating in is grave. I think he would say you had a vivid imagination and a great new slant on his Animal Farm…. lovely story… both his and yours !

  4. i hate these traffic jams, idiot people getting in anywhere they can to move ahead and making such jams! On top of that the honking, it gets me bad. I don’t remember how many i have scolded on the road. lol I hope people will develop some traffic and driving sense.

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