My Camera & My Chai: Driverless


Look at the gent below. He is happy. He is so very happy. He’s sitting at the back of the car, while the car drives itself.

No need to pay for sulky drivers, with their penchant for listening in on your gossip. You can listen to the music that you want. You can install some shades, neck at your will, or even fart as often as you believe.

When you arrive at your destination, you yell – ‘Car… Go and Park’

When you are finished with your work, you tap a number into your watch, and the car beeps and comes along obediently to you.


Now, Google and Tesla are absolutely correct in making these cars for the Americas and for the Europes…

But, in India, there will be a strike. All drivers who lose their jobs will go on strike, and then will demand that they be converted into cars. Political slogans will be created by politicians, who will go on record to say that it is a fundamental right of a driver to be converted into a car. Lower caste drivers will get first preference, and certain conversion percentages will be reserved for them.

The other issue is that most drivers in India park cars in all odd angles….. So, the cars have become used to being parked in different angles.

In India, therefore, the boss-man will say; “Car, park at 60 degrees”, and then riots will break out, because his neighbour would like to demand that his car be parked at 60 degrees. The first will then suggest to the other that his car be parked at 85%, and the offer will be returned.

The cars themselves will also try and drive the wrong way, and once the wrong way becomes the right way, then there will be confusion.

Imagine this conversation, and I have to give it in English, though it is actually better in Hinglish:

Society Lady (let’s call her Shobha De): Car darling, drive faster, na!                                             Car: Yes, madam.                                                                                                                                               Shobha De: You know, Sweetie, that Pinky, she is so cheap, na.                                                       Car: Why do you say that madam?                                                                                                               Shobha De: Oh never mind. Drive wrong way, na. We reach so much faster.                               Car: You mean, the right way, madam?                                                                                                     Shobha De: No, silllllleeeeee….., I mean the wrong way, na                                                               Car: But the wrong way has become the right way, madam.                                                               Shobha De: Then, drive the right way, sillleeee!                                                                                     Car: The right way, madam, or the wrong way?                                                                                       Shoba De: Youstupidcarwhydontyouusethatcomputerbrainofyoursproperly. DontyouknowewhoIam? I am Shobha De, and I can have you changed.

Car: Squeak!

I am not sure if Google or Tesla will have an Indian version…..


You see, we Indians, we are like that only, you know…


  1. We’re having issues with it too, here in Canada. A lot of people used to make enough money to live on in the Taxis industry. Not any more. First came UBER now even UBER plans to use driverless cars.

      1. Kaching is”money”
        Yes those driverless cars could and probably will be hacked. That’s the next challenge.

      2. Well, imagine this – Clinton and Trump each takes an Uber. Uber gets hacked. They end up in a secret romantic getaway in Mexico.
        The entire FBI, and whatever other agencies the Americans have, then heave a huge sigh of relief and they all go on holiday!

    1. So called progress… I actually intend a follow up post to this one.. not so sarcastic.

      It is fun, but automotive companies see India as the next big market. One day, the business will collapse. There will be no more room for cars

  2. Oh Rajiv, I laughed my guts out. What a humurous Post, Un-Imaginable Thoughts, And Top it with a Conversation of the Rude Woman Shobha De.


    Too Good an Idea. I was imaging the cars parking at 65 degree and going right way wrong way. God have Mercy. What Commotion there will be especially in India.

    And Drivers asking for Conversion into Cars, That is Superbly Though.


  3. Rajiv, I want you to do a Topaz Glow job for me. If I send you a Pic, will you give it those magical effects and post it for me.

    I need your email ID to send the pic. Please do it for me

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