Some of you may have seen this photo last week, of the man feeding the cow.
Soon after he left, I darted across the road, and decided to interview the cow. Please don’t start getting the wrong impression. Some of you may be wondering if I had suddenly learned cow language, and that the interview was conducted in various tones, inflections, volumes of ‘moo’.
The interview, given the nature of the times, was conducted in chaste Sanskrit. For the benefit of those who do not understand Sanskrit, I am giving you a short excerpt of the interview in English. For those who wish to read the full interview, please pick up the latest edition of “Mother India Weekly” published by the All India National Cow Press Journal.
Rajiv: Mother India, thank you very much for your time….
Rajiv: oww…. oww… oww..!! please get your hoof off my foot! Mother India: I am not that old. I am young and pretty. Please call me Ms Malli from now on…
For those who don’t know, the name Ms Malli is derived from Ms Molly, of from that old song, “Good Golly Ms Molly”. A You Tube rendition is attached at the bottom, one by that great gent, Little Richard.
Rajiv: Ms Malli, how do you describe the times? Is it a good time to be a cow? Ms Malli: Yes indeed. This is a great time to be a cow. You cannot eat us. You cannot tell us where to go. You cannot berate us if we are shitting on the street, or rubbing our hump against your jeans.
She smirks, and Rajiv retreats a safe distance… His jeans have just been washed that day.
Rajiv: What about food, Ms Malli? Are you happy with the food you get? Ms Malli: she sighs- some kind folk give me some grass and some corn. Some, thinking that they are being kind, give us some of yesterday’s leftovers and we have to eat some of the most awful cooking perpetrated on humanity. Then, sometimes, we have to eat plastic on the street. This is not good for our figures at all
Rajiv: What do you propose to do about this, Ms Malli? Ms Malli: We plan to launch a national agitation. We have read in the papers, that some people in your strange country are agitating to be called backward, and that they demand privileges so that they can be allowed to walk backward. Strange people, you are. Why do you agitate to walk backwards? Do we need to see your rump before we see your face?
Rajiv: Ms Malli, no.. They want to be called backward… They don’t want to walk backward. Ms Malli: What difference does it make? You may as well walk with your rump forward.
Rajiv: Ms Malli, why don’t you listen to me? Ms Malli: (stepping again on Rajiv’s foot and continuing amidst his yowls of pain). No, young man. You listen to me. We cows demand our rights. We demand to be able to walk rump forwards, and to get good food, and fodder. We demand….. Well. Why shouldn’t we demand for the sake of demanding? Tell me…
The interview went on for sometime, but I think that I don’t want to bore all of you. Here’s Little Richard for you!