This post has been inspired by a short exchange that I had with a lady who goes, sometimes, by the moniker Idiot Writer. During this exchange, employing the highest standards of sophistry, I proved to her that the asshole is the most important part of the human body.
The tragedy is that some humans believe that, in behaving like assholes, they are the most important people on this planet. However, to extend the analogy of the asshole being the most important part of the body, to an asshole being the most important person in the office, the country, the planet is an error. You cannot extend this proof. This is not an example where the micro reality is a reflection of a more global, general phenomenon.
Unfortunately, the question of what defines an asshole starts to become a bit murky when we go deeper. In the older, simpler days when Newtonian physics ruled the world, it was a rather simple matter. Like Newton’s famous Laws of Motion, there were definite rules by which we could define and identify an asshole.
Now, we have three or more people whom we can blame for the current mess.
Let’s start with Einstein, who started it all, with his Theory of Relativity. An asshole is no longer an absolute quantity, and is defined by standards like, “Oh, compared to him, he ain’t be an asshole you know…” Bloody Hell!! Is he(I will use the term ‘he’ to include men and women, ignoring the protests of feminists around the world) an asshole or not? Why does he have to be an asshole when compared with X, and not an asshole when compared to Y?
Then, we have Werner Heisenberg, and his Principle of Uncertainty. You can know the speed of a particle but, not it’s direction or vice-versa. You can know an asshole in one situation, and not in another. Where were the rules that allowed you to identify an asshole clearly!! In the old days, when you dropped an apple, it fell. Now, you have mysterious particles to define gravity. You don’t even have the certainty of saying that, ‘an asshole is an asshole is an asshole irrespective of where he is, the situation or anything.’
Moving on to Schrodinger and his blessed cat. Why can’t you identify an asshole from miles off? Why must, like the opening of the cat’s box, you have to perform a human interaction to find out if he is an asshole or not?
And now, I forget who deserves the credit for mucking up the simple definition of whether light is a wave or a particle. Blame my grey hairs for this. When you perform experiment A, light behaves like a wave. When you perform experiment B, it behaves like a particle.
Why can’t assholes be consistent? Please, is this such a big thing to ask for?
I can only end with a bit of advice.
“The assholes they walk amongst us in the silence of the night,
They creep up upon us, and try to give us a fright.
The warning is clear to thee, clear to you and to me.
Free the world of the sounds and smells
Of the assholes and their bells.”
Sorry for the doggerel!!
Source of the image: The WhatsApp Circuit